Is This Well Written?

Question by Just Livin’ Life: Is this well written?
Who Could Forget That?
Recapturing Some of 2009’s Greatest Events
Way back in 2008, did you ever imagine that the year to come would hold events like a worldwide outbreak of disease? How about the inauguration of Barack Obama, the nation’s first African-American President, or an organized terrorist attack on Christmas day? The year’s events were unforgettable. First, let’s take a look at a great leader who took a major government position around this time last year.
The inauguration of Barack Obama as president marked a milestone in U.S. history. On January 20th, the country’s first African-American President was sworn into office. Citizens from across the country gathered at the National Mall in Washington, D.C., to witness a historic event that had a record attendance for any event in D.C. It ended up as one of the most observed events in the world. After he officially became president, a huge task lay ahead of him; he needed to mend the broken economy. He has slowly, but surely, succeeded with that, as the economy began to turn around in the fourth quarter of ‘09. As the housing market stabilized, many areas started to recover. As of June, home re-sales shot up a good nine percent and sales of new homes jumped seventeen percent. Construction also raised a hefty twenty percent. The Midwest has shown the greatest improvement; places such as Nebraska, Iowa, and the Dakotas never dug themselves too far into the rut in the first place. The “Big Three” automakers, major contributors to Detroit’s epic failure in terms of the economy, have realized their faults and have started to design and even build better cars. They really have to because they need sales if they ever want to repay the billions (yes, billions) of dollars of federal loans they received from “generous” taxpayers through the stimulus package. Just as decisions needed to be made about the failing economy and businesses, choices needed to come from Congress, too.
A huge controversy in the latter part of 2009, the health care reform bill received approval in the Senate when Nebraska’s democratic senator, Ben Nelson, provided the 60th vote needed to pass the bill. According to a poll conducted by the Omaha World-Herald, Nelson’s approval ratings have recently dipped below fifty percent, all because of his decisions about health care. The House of Representatives has passed a similar bill, and the two versions have yet to merge into one final version. In a completely different branch of government, Sonia Sotomayor became the Supreme Court’s first-ever Hispanic justice. She also became the 111th justice and the third female associate justice.
Another person who made it to the front page, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab expected to die as he sped through the air on a Northwest Airlines flight headed for Detroit on Christmas day. He has no fear of flying, but he knows he will set off a bomb (or at least try to) sometime before landing. Abdulmutallab hid a bomb inside his underpants and tried to use it to blow up the plane carrying 298 people. Fortunately, the substance provided by Al Qaeda failed to ignite properly; passengers subdued the Nigerian man by jumping on him. He remains in custody at a federal prison in Milan, Michigan, under charges of the attempted murder of 298 people. While 298 people almost died last year, one very famous man did perish. Michael Jackson, the “King of Pop”, died last year at the age of fifty. The man who influenced music so much now rests in peace. At first, people thought he died naturally. However, multiple autopsies revealed that Jackson died from high drug usage, mainly propofol and lorazepam. His doctor, who remains under investigation for purposely trying to kill him, administered the drugs as pain killers. Of course, this happened in a year when many people probably purchased a lot of pain/fever reducers to help themselves overcome their symptoms while battling the 2009 H1N1 swine flu virus. The bug, which originated in Veracruz, Mexico, contains genes from pig, bird, and human flu viruses. The outbreak began in April and gained recognition as a global pandemic when, in June, the World Health Organization and U.S. Centers for Disease Control stopped counting cases. Fortunately, we have come a long way since then, and immunization shots have been given to many. Readily available to the general public, shots put you in a much smaller risk of catching the disease that once intimidated many.
The year’s fastest-growing Internet fad may have intimidated owners of social networking sites more than H1N1 because the “new kid in town” could steal their users. Twitter, as of February 2009, had about four million users. Total numbers currently reach all the way into the tens of millions. People use Twitter to have conversations with others by “tweeting.” People all over the country may have “tweeted” to friends or family members about how a major snowstorm hampered their travel plans for
Christmas. The Midwest received two major snowstorms in December, dumping an average of twenty-four inches of snow in Omaha, one of the hardest hit cities. The first storm had Midwesterners complaining about the five-foot-plus snowdrifts everywhere they looked. Kids, however, rejoiced as most received not one, not two, but three snow days out of the ordeal. Another storm hit two days before Christmas and lingered through Saturday, sending unappreciated gifts of snow and ice to people who had travel plans for Christmas. The most recent storm dumped a measly 4.5 inches, but high winds the next day created huge snow huge road-blocking snowdrifts for the third time. Road crews, which had not stopped working twelve-hour shifts non-stop since Christmas, literally had to start all over as Mother Nature decided to ruin their hard work.
Hard work never played a role in a gift from President Obama to his daughters. The two girls got a dog this year because Obama thought they had
earned” it, even though they did absolutely nothing. The Portuguese water dog named Bo was a gift from Senator Ted Kennedy. President Obama succeeded in keeping the dog a secret until he unveiled it. The surprised kids had always wanted a dog.
Just as the Obamas found about owning a dog, the 2009 calendar year definitely had its up’s and down’s. I, personally, cannot remember any year that had as much significance to me as 2009. A lot more than ten major events happened in 2009. Only novels and sequels could hold all that 2009 had to offer. As we enter a new decade, we need to remember all that happened before so we can know what to avoid and what to do again. Last year will forever set an example for us in years to come. You can’t argue with that, now, can you?
Sorry it’s so long . I had to extend it in the details because it didn’t all fit. What grade level does it sound like?
I wrote this like two or three months after Christmas.

Best answer:

Answer by MOZ
Junior high school. The structure is a bit too jumpy and inconsistent, and wildly swings from overly dry and factual to almost side-show chatty and conversational.

To say that the Obama girls “did absolutely nothing,” is condescending and pretentious, as you do not know what goals the family set for the girls ~clean their room, practice music or dance, or behave properly when in public, or ???…
“Only novels and sequels could hold all that 2009 had to offer.” Pure claptrap. Anyone who has read any history could easily pick years that were FAR more momentous. 1963. 1968, 1945, 2001…ANY year in history has “its ups (NO apostrophe!) and downs” (Plurals are NOT possessive or contractions!!!).

The last sentence, “You can’t argue with that, now, can you?” Is a poor challenge, since yes, many people COULD very easily argue with that, and win…

Add your own answer in the comments!

 

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